HALF A MAN: A WRITER’S PRODUCTIVITY THROUGH THIN

“You can’t give what you don’t have.”

A typical thought that crosses your mind when you’re in that situation – a loved one or friend seeks your help but you can’t render it. Maybe it’s at a time that you can’t even help yourself, so how do you help another?

Indeed, it’s a disheartening situation, especially when they mean a lot to you.

Now, let’s talk about this scenario in creative writing.

You’re halfway through writing your story when a tsunami hit – the person you’ve had your eyes on turns out to really not notice you. The love of your life doesn’t feel the same way you do. Your partner suddenly wants out of the relationship. You’ve just incurred a huge financial loss. You got the news of a loved one’s demise… Things just fell apart for you, and sorrow fast soaks you in like a sponge.

The last thing on your mind is the story you’re writing. That can wait for however long… 

This is not to make yourself feel bad about your current write that’s probably sitting far in your archive, but to create enlightenment.

Now, you’ve probably heard the saying ‘people grieve differently.’  That’s true. We all react differently in our down, thin, and rough times, and more so on our journey to healing or finding level ground. And that’s okay.

However, as a creative writer, especially one who needs to keep writing, how do you grieve and arrive at a win-win destination? That is, writing still and finding healing.

Before I go on, you should know this is no fixed manual. But it’s one that works.

[Cue in your background music and grab some popcorn if you would]

THE TAYLOR SWIFT EFFECT

A while back, my brother and I were discussing pop artists, and how many songs today seem to be regurgitated; you know, we hear so many of them all over again, each time in a different title, album and sometimes story. Then my brother went, ‘I still like Taylor Swift, though her best songs for me are the ones she sang after heartbreaks.’

That caught my attention immediately (and inspired me to write this article).

Of course, this article isn’t projecting that you give your ‘best’ only when you’re going through tough times, but rather aims to help you write through that very thin.

Why should this topic concern you?

It’s simple. You’re human with emotions that guide you. And moreso, life is unpredictable, and we’re bound to inevitable situations as humans. There are things beyond our control, and times we can’t say, “Hey! I’ve got this.”

Yet, as creatives, without pressure, you want to be able to come to terms with each situation that went wrong because you don’t want to stay stuck in a loop each time life goes south.

I had just started writing my first book when I hit my tsunami. I found myself fighting a battle against myself. I slipped into a phase where I questioned everything about my existence —I wasn’t where I thought I would be a few years back, and it didn’t look like I had the means to get there.

While I appeared like I had things together on the outside, I was a wreck inside. However, by the time I was done writing, it felt like I needed to go through that phase. I gained clarity of purpose more than ever, became more optimistic, and wrote an incredible piece of art.

You see, you can have something to give as a writer, even when you feel like half a man. Of course, it’s easier said than done (believe me, I know that), and that brings us to the next sub-topic.

Here's a list of helpful tools that work;

1. Journaling

I think too many creatives get stuck because they think in quantity rather than quality. As in; “I have to pen down six thousand words today.” “If I don’t finish up two chapters, I haven’t achieved anything today.” And they do this, forgetting that they’re grieving or just feeling down, and today is different from other days.

Now journaling is a practice known to help improve mood on a day-to-day basis. It might already be a familiar activity for you. This isn’t your usual writing, yet you can pen down your feelings at the same time. And yes, without pressure. Journaling helps you break down your thoughts, emotions, and all of the hurt you bring into smaller chunks.

How does journaling help my journey to three hundred and sixty thousand words of my fantasy novel?

Is this you? Take a seat.

With most heartbreaks of any sort comes that forced break, either short-term or long-term. And when you struggle to go against the pattern, you might be faced with yet another heartbreak. A writer’s block! Please don’t fan the flame, you don’t want to do that to yourself.

Take the lead with journaling and leverage on your raw emotions. It’s not a waste. You’ll turn to it in a few days, weeks, or months because it always adds up somewhere.

2. Tough, But Hold On To Something In Your Usual Routine

Thin moments make you deviate from your usual routine, isolate yourself, and keep you fixated on new ones —sleeping in bed all day eating junk, playing off songs in your sad playlists, turning to alcohol or smoking, blaming yourself time and again, etc. Depending on what you’re going through, it could be like a void, and the deeper you fall, the harder it could feel to come up for air.

However, it’s important to know that you need a reliable activity to remind you of yourself (yes, that better and happier version you gushed about in the mirror only a few days ago).

So if running is in your usual routine, get to it. If you cannot summon the strength to run, walk. That’s okay. Remember, sadness isn’t just the absence of joy but the presence of weakness. Thin moments often leave us weary.

If you practice gratitude, doing so at a time like this can be a breath of fresh air, however painful. It might remind you of your loss, but one of the first steps to getting a solution where emotions are concerned is embracing these said emotions. Feel the hurt and be thankful for the good.

If you don’t have a reliable activity in your routine, it’s time to create one. And in all your findings, do not neglect the power of meditation.

3. If You Can’t Write, You Can Read

This isn’t the typical message about how good writers make good readers. Rather than actively reading to learn, polish your skills, or absorb ideas, you simply put your memory in a state that stays connected with the familiar. But that’s the least of the reasons.

After you must have embraced the situation, however little, you want to get yourself inspirational and uplifting books to help you feel secured and escape your reality, even just for a little while.

Remember, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. You can get through it. “Stop overthinking” by Nick Trenton is one of the phenomenal inspirational books I ever read. The book helped me realize how trapped I was in a loop of overthinking and how it was fanning the flames of other problems I was facing, ultimately causing me to be unhappy.

For some, it could be the religious books. Whatever it may be, pace yourself and go get it. Open that book today. You’ve got this!

4. Let Out Your Frustrations

Frustration is a type of reaction to stress. It’s common to have this feeling when you encounter stressors in activities, situations, and relationships on a daily basis. However, this feeling can become heightened when you’re feeling especially down. For instance, you’ve been putting in efforts to get something for a while. You finally get it, but it blows up in your face.

You begin yet another relationship, and just like the last, it ends badly. The sort of frustrations that accompany events like this can be mind-draining and make you feel like it all happened because you probably deserved it when you really didn’t.

At times like this, don’t hold your frustrations in. Believe me, it doesn’t make you look cool while that voice in your head plays off. Take breathing exercises and relax for a while your mind would. Vent out however you can. I’ve always been that person who struggles to cry, either by myself or on the shoulders of another. For me, whenever I feel down, I turn to a book and a pen and scribble in the pages until my wrist hurts, then goes numb. I used to wonder why the tears rarely ever came, but I didn’t have to. I was wrong to do so in the first place because I’ve always vented out, I just did so in my own way.

Let it all out. Choose whatever medium works for you; crying, yelling, painting, cleaning, etc.

You see, ruminating over it won’t make you feel good, make things suddenly better, or turn back the clock. In fact, it’s at this junction that blame shouldering creeps in, and it does more harm than good to your psychological state. Let it all out, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

5. Try To Change Location.

Change is not always pleasant, more so a change in location during tough times. While it could be easy for some people to do, it’s oftentimes considered a last resort by many people. If you find yourself in the latter category, you might want to understand that location can mean various things.

Yes, it’s your cue to move, but rather than make huge changes immediately, start with small ones. It could be as little as the move from your bed to the coffee shop down the street, the move from your living room to a museum, and from your porch to the cinema... Just move. Get fresh air and a change of scenery.

I’m so attuned to this Chinese proverb that says, “When the winds of change blow, some people build walls and others build windmills.” It goes to tell you how change can steer you to a better world. But it only begins with that first step.

When you make these moves and long for more, then you pack your bags.

6. Talk About It

Talk to someone. It’s not an act of weakness; don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Connecting with loved ones or getting medical help can ease the chaos inside your head and help boost your mood. Difficult situations tend to leave us overwhelmed and confused, and we stutter mentally while trying to make sense of the situation. Here’s where talking to someone is crucial, as it provides comfort and aids in breaking these emotions into smaller pieces.

It also provides connection. Ever found yourself talking to someone, and they genuinely say those words (I’m sorry) that you’ve wanted to hear so badly? While it doesn’t put an end to your predicament, it sure makes you feel better, and you find yourself trusting the process of sharing. Until you arrive at that safety point where you think, “He gets me. She gets me. I’m not alone.” 

The entire process decreases and, depending on the level of connection, prevents the feeling of loneliness. Talk about it today.

In conclusion, tough times last forever just as grieving does, and in reality, we are all victims. We all go through bad times, experience losses, face disappointments, lose people, etc. However, tough people overcome it time and time again.

I think often as writers, we fix ourselves in a box that says ‘perfect timing’, which makes it easier to believe it’s not a perfect time to write at certain times. Now this doesn’t go to say you can’t take a break; you can. This article is aimed at writers who want to pen something down despite the odds.

To every writer, it’s okay to feel like half a man sometimes. You’ve still got a piece of yourself, don’t lose that.

Remember, “If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.” 

– Paulo Coelho.

About the Author

Moyo J. Bassey is writing stories that connect people, Human to Human. A Screenwriter, Serial Ghost-writer, Playwright, Author, Creative Content Writer, ForbesBLK Member,  and Accidental Rapper. Image courtesy of Alan Cabello.